Working on your care appraisal as a family

Trying to come to a consensus on the future of your loved one’s care is not easy. It’s a huge decision that everyone wants to get right. Many different family members can be involved, and it can feel like a complex task.

How to arrange care as a family

Involve the person who’s receiving care

Depending on your loved one’s condition, it can be most productive simply to ask your mum or dad what their preferences and priorities are. Take a look at our guide to completing your care appraisal, take down a few notes of the things you’d like to discuss and then ask them for their views.

It really helps to make sure they feel as involved as possible in the decision-making process, that it’s something you’re working on as a team, rather than it being something that’s being done to them.

Sit down together and talk through the situation together. It’s really important to chat through any objections or worries they might have as openly as possible. It’s completely natural to find the transition difficult.

People can be reluctant to have someone they consider a stranger move into their home. Who wouldn’t be a bit? Overcoming this is about talking through the things your loved one might need a hand with, so you collectively agree on their needs. After that, discussing the alternatives to getting a live-in carer – often that’s a care home. 

We need your help to build a clear picture of your loved one’s needs. Complete your care appraisal to move things forwards.

Organise a family meeting

It sounds old school but can now be done on a call or video call. Get all the necessary members of the family together and have a frank, candid chat about how your loved one’s care needs are going to be met.

It’s always a good idea to go armed with a copy or two of the Elder brochure (if you need a copy, all you have to do is ask). This helps make sure you have all the information you need to hand, and can act as a reference point if anyone else in the family has any concerns about live-in care as an option.

From our experience, putting an agenda together beforehand – although unusually formal – can really help ensure you find a resolution. To do this, we’d recommend really getting an understanding of any gaps in knowledge when it comes to their care appraisal.

For an agenda, we’d consider confirming the following:

Care needs

Confirm as much of the information you can about your loved one’s care needs so you can complete your care appraisal. Think about what they want, as well as what they need.

Paying for it

Care is expensive whichever option you choose. Use our care funding calculator to get an idea of what you might be entitled to. This can help clear up questions around cost.

Who’s leading

By this point, you’re probably already pretty clear who from the family is taking the lead. But it’s important to clarify so everyone can behind your decisions.

Work on your care appraisal together

We’ve designed our care appraisal with family in mind. Even once you’ve clarified someone from the family who’s leading on getting everything arranged, there are, naturally, moments where it’s best to get the input of others.

To make that happen, you can simply add family members to your MyElder account. It’s really simple:


Access your account

Log in to MyElder, on the home screen scroll down to the ‘invite others’ section.


Add family members

Enter the name and email address of the person you want to add. You can add as many people as you like.


They get to work

We’ll send them an email with a link to create a password. They’ll then be able to add to your care appraisal.

While there are no limits to the number of people you can add, we’d suggest you’re selective about who you add – too many people might just confuse things. As well as family members, it can be a good idea to add a health or social care professional who has good knowledge of your loved one’s needs – such as a social worker or district nurse.

One thing we’ve found over the years is that disagreements are often down to people hearing different stories from different people. Sometimes fair and accurate, sometimes not.

The bigger picture as to why different members of the family have different points of view is overlooked. We can help bring the bigger picture into focus which often leads to seemingly opposite points of view coming closer together, making consensus much more likely.

Struggling to come to an agreement as a family?

It’s perfectly normal for different members of the family to have their own view about your loved one’s care. It can be an emotional and stressful situation – it’s understandable if passions are high.

If it’s something that you think will help, we can act as an intermediary in the situation. This can help prevent big fallouts and get to the bottom of things faster. Our team doesn’t have all the answers but we’ve learnt some simple yet effective methods of coming to a resolution after understanding the primary sources of family conflict.

Things that can cause people to have different views

One way we help is by facilitating a conference call. You and your family can arrange to speak to us all at the same time and we can talk through any subjects that are causing disagreement.

We can’t promise you will all be on the same page by the end of the call, but we can promise you will all know a little more about the other sides of the story.

To arrange a family conference call with us, follow the link below and simply select a time that suits you.